Yesterday I had the privilege of attending the funeral of a 7 year old girl. She was dearly loved by her family, as we wish all children would be. The lives she touched and blessed were many, as the crowd of mourners bore witness.
Her parents generously transformed what might have been a grim funeral service into a
celebration of their daughter’s life. Every part of the funeral and graveside service was a
testimony to the power of love in the face of tragedy.
From the moment we walked through the balloon arch into the service, this little girl’s love for life was illustrated in many ways. From the brilliantly colored clothes we were asked to wear to the family members, teachers, and friends who spoke of the joy and love which she so freely shared. A bubble machine at the gravesite, along with releases of butterflies, doves and countless flowers were reminders that she had lived her short life to the fullest, loving with abandon, not worrying about what might happen next.
I was moved by the ceremony, and reminded once again that we all have the opportunity—every day—to live life in the moment, to the fullest and to love with abandon! The choices we make do matter. The colors, flowers, bubbles, butterflies and doves on the wing, all reminders that even on our worst days, there is always something beautiful to behold, even an instant of joy to be grateful for.
This celebration of life was also a reminder that we can choose how we grieve: how we make sense out of death which seems to make no sense at all, and how we go on when our lives are shattered and our hearts are broken. We lean on one another, on the people who knew and loved the person we lost and who know and love us. We lean on the memories we cherish and the love that we shared… a love that will never die. We choose to focus on what we had rather than what we no longer have.
Grief is an experience of pain, which at times may be so intense that it seems to threaten our very existence. Over time, we are able to carry our grief when we balance it with appreciation for the moments of joy that are to be found each day.
Tears are a gift, and I encourage people to appreciate them. I think Washington Irving said it best when he wrote, “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.”
Domenica Rafferty, LPC 